“I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.” – William Ernest Henley, “Invictus”
Many of us often let external forces dictate how our lives turn out–at our jobs, with our families, with women. We allow the actions of others affect the way we think, feel, and act. And this is one of the main causes of much of our unhappiness. David Deida (author of “The Way Of The Superior Man”) likens the feminine to an ocean and the masculine to a ship.
“Like the ocean, the native state of the feminine is to flow with great power and no single direction. The masculine builds canals, dams, and boats to unite with the power of the feminine ocean and go from point A to point B. But the feminine moves in many directions at once. The masculine chooses a single goal and moves in that direction. Like a ship cutting through a vast ocean, the masculine decides on a course and navigates the direction: the feminine energy itself is undirected but immense, like the wind and deep currents of the ocean, ever changing, beautiful, destructive, and the source of life.”
In short, the feminine is uninhibited, free, and awesome; and the masculine, focused, strong, and controlled. A man who loses control of himself capsizes. As the captain, it is your duty to maneuver through the powerful force of the feminine, by mastering your self. If you do not have a clear path in mind, you will always be at the mercy of your environment. That is dangerous.
Yes, Peter, I was just about to get to that. Moving on to Newton’s Second Law of Motion, we see that…
It all seems like common sense. If I push a small ball forward, it will 1. move in the direction I’m pushing it, and 2. accelerate quicker the lighter it is. That’s physics.
Like I mentioned before the nerd bit, we as men need to have a goal; a purpose in our lives. But knowing that is not enough, we have to take action to push our lives in that said direction. Imagine walking up and talking to a girl on the streets. Many guys hesitate because they are unsure how to navigate a conversation from open to close. They focus on the uncontrollable instead of the controllable, and let those excuses paralyze them. It is just like a captain who stays on shore because he is afraid the winds and waves might take him to a deserted island. He will never see the new world until he gets on his ship and actually sails.
To be able to maneuver a ship is a skill–a learnable skill. Likewise, to maneuver a social interaction also IS a skill. The first thing you have to do is to put away any perceptions or ideas you think you know about talking to girls and be willing to learn. There is a common truism that goes, “If you keep doing what you’ve always done, you’ll keep getting what you’ve always gotten.”
The most important thing for beginners, therefore, is willingness to learn. Everything is a learning experience. Rejections or successes; action or lack of action, whatever we do or do not do should be taken as a revelation of our strengths and weaknesses. But there requires a balance. Inaction shines a light on your fears, and action is you pushing past your fears. That is growth.
For example, guys always ask me what to say to the girl when you run out of conversation topics. Instead of giving them set lines to talk about, I ask them why they want to talk to the girl. Charting your destination is important in anything you do, whether it’s in your career, fitness, or relationships. Knowing the destination is the first step.
Next, you have to apply the force toward your goal. That means actually pushing yourself out of your comfort zone. Doing so requires you to overcome many things: social pressure, habits, and most of all, personal limiting beliefs. Acceleration is the rate of change of velocity. Meaning, the speed at which you growth out of your comfort zone and improve yourself. If you apply very little effort into changing yourself, you are just balancing the resisting forces (see: Law 1). Therefore, it is important that you constantly put in a greater amount of effort into whatever it is you want to do, and nothing is greater than 100%.
Everything you do must push you toward your goal. It is not enough to put a lot of effort into getting better with women, but slacking off at your job. There is no on-off switch to life. You have to see everything as helping you work your willpower muscle, and instill good habits. Being more sociable means being friendly with janitors, cashiers, strangers on the bus… If you don’t align your life with your game, you will find that your growth will not be as fast as you want it to be.
I met a guy just a few days back and had a good, long chat with him. One thing he constantly told me was that he wanted to learn game to “get a girlfriend” and wasn’t interested in going out, meeting girls, and getting the experience.
While I agree that it is not necessary to learn game to get a girlfriend and be in a lasting long-term relationship, that is not my philosophy. He seemed to have the idea that getting a girlfriend was the end. He would meet a girl and live happily ever after. That was what I thought, too, in my past relationships. But having experienced all that, I realized that it was far from the truth. Getting a girlfriend is just like changing your course to the same destination. It may be easier, or it may not be, but it is not a destination in itself.
I explained to him that having such a goal is good. It helps you know what steps to take next and head in that direction– but if you stop there, you’ll just be floating in the middle of the ocean and the waves will push you astray. It is important that you learn to master the ship so that you can still arrive at your destination no matter the course.
The reason why it is important to gain as much experience as possible is because your body of knowledge is always increasing as you go along in life (and game), and the increasing mass of knowledge requires a greater effort to overcome. If you do not train your willpower muscle, and your ability to control your emotions when shit happens, you will very soon capsize or crash on the shores of somewhere you do not intend to be.
Of course there will be times when you have to take a break and rest your muscles so that you can come back stronger. Do not expect yourself to push push push 100% of the time. Sometimes allowing the waves to push you along takes less effort and still gets you where you want to be. But if you are not aware of the changing winds, you will drift further and further away until it’s too late. Therefore, everything has to serve a purpose–the purpose of getting you towards your destination.
Ultimately, you can take up the burdens of manhood and take action, or you can allow yourself to be like the feminine and just flow where ever life takes you. One is not better than the other; both have their own strengths. However, just as if you take water from the ocean and contain it onto a ship, it loses it’s liveliness and energy; a ship that behaves like an ocean is just planks floating in the water with people desperately grasping on to it.
Master your destiny and your life will be abundant.
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